My liver just broke up with me...
Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
