dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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