Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
