Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Randomize
