He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
