this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
