i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
