she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
