I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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