I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
FUCK WHALES
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