11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
