dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're too hungover to prance.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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