I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
And then the night went full on bisexual.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
