The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
