my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
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