Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
