i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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