Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Randomize
