when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
You ruined the universe
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
