Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
