I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
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