the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
