Yo dont text me then not text me
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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