i jhust puked up my retainher.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
