She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
She announced her abortion via fbk
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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