Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
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