don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
