I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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