No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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