i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I'd cum for enchiladas.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
