Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
The feeling are messing with the penis
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
