Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
lol hangovers are for mortals.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
