I'm so fucking centered right now
Ketchup is God's man juice
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
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