you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Randomize
