New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
