I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Vodka?
Forever.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Randomize
