my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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