i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
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Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
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If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
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