I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
