So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
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