It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
