I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Randomize
