with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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