And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
