I faked an abortion last night.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
