i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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