I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
