guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
