This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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