in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
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