Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
You have to summon your inner elephant
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
