I only kidnapped one of them. chill
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
