I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
