I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
