i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
