I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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