what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Randomize
