I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Did I show you my penis last night?
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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