There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Randomize
