why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
