i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
