Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Did you pee in the oven last night??
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
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