How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
