Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
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