She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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