U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
