I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
