no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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