If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Randomize
